I met my second husband 5 years ago and we're both in our 70s. He's a multimillionaire with two adult kids. How do I find out if I’m in his will without looking like a threat?

Managing family dynamics

The challenge of estate planning for blended families is increasingly common. According to the Pew Research Center. divorces among Americans 65 and older — the gray divorce trend — have tripled since 1990.

Senior newlyweds not only bring assets to the table, but commitments to children from previous marriages. Unfortunately, research suggests that money is not getting passed down as equitably in stepfamilies as it is in traditional families.

For one thing, the traditional estate model where a surviving spouse inherits everything doesn't work in a stepfamily. The surviving spouse’s own adult children may subsequently inherit everything, leaving out stepchildren. Laws guaranteeing a spousal elective share may also result in an uneven distribution of assets.

Some accounts like IRAs and 401(k)s that are payable upon death automatically go to the spouse named in the paperwork, which may lead to friction with adult children.

That’s why it’s in everyone’s interest for seniors who marry later in life to have a frank talk about estate planning — preferably with an estate planning attorney — before marriage. In fact, you could be doing your stepchildren a favour.

To broach this sensitive topic with your partner, focus on your shared life and how it will evolve over time. Ask questions like:

• What happens if one partner gets sick?

• How will the surviving partner manage their finances when one spouse passes away?

• What happens to property both spouses use, like a shared home, after death?

You may want to craft a prenuptial agreement, new will, power of attorney and living will. Discussing these things is perfectly reasonable even if your partner has more money than you. They should understand that you don't want to be forced to move out of a home you share, or risk running through joint assets providing expensive care only to find out you inherit nothing.

Invest in real estate without the headache of being a landlord

Imagine owning a portfolio of thousands of well-managed single family rentals or a collection of cutting-edge industrial warehouses. You can now gain access to a $1B portfolio of income-producing real estate assets designed to deliver long-term growth from the comforts of your couch.

The best part? You don’t have to be a millionaire and can start investing in minutes.

Learn More

How to make an estate plan that works for everyone

An estate planning attorney can advise you on these challenges and how to address them. For example, let’s say the wealthier spouse in this scenario wants their two adult children to inherit the couple’s shared home, but also wants to ensure their widow can live in that home until her death.

One solution is a life estate that names an heir or heirs to inherit the shared home but that allows your spouse to stay there until death.

Another solution is to set up a trust in which a trustee is put in control of your shared property and can draw money from your estate to pay bills and provide a monthly allowance to your surviving spouse. When that spouse dies, the trustee would turn over the remainder of the estate, including the home, to your named beneficiaries.

The important thing is to have a candid conversation. Even if you are starting late, you are still building a shared life together for the time you have left.