‘I find that a little nerdy’: Personal finance guru Ramit Sethi says there’s no right time to have ‘the talk’ about money with your partner — but the first date is probably too soon

Talking dollars on a first date: Transparency or TMI

First dates are already filled with enough potential awkwardness — from nervously avoiding eye contact to forgetting basic table manners. Adding topics like salary, debt or finances into the mix might just guarantee there won’t be a second date.

A survey by the banking app Chime, which polled 2,000 Americans, who were either engaged or married, found that couples typically begin discussing finances around six and a half months into their relationship. This timing often coincides with the shift from the honeymoon phase to deciding whether the relationship has long-term potential.

While the six and a half months might feel like a sweet spot for pulling out the spreadsheets, bringing up money on a first date can come off as too forward, overshadowing the opportunity to connect on a more personal level.

“Sometimes I wonder if any of these folks have been on a first date,” Sethi said, emphasizing that money conversations don’t need to happen right away. First dates are about sharing interests and exploring emotional compatibility, not creating a financial evaluation. Discussing money too soon can feel invasive or overly transactional, turning a potentially great connection into an uncomfortable encounter.

It’s a sensitive subject — one best saved for when trust and mutual understanding have had time to grow.

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The subtle art of learning about money habits

However, Sethi doesn’t suggest avoiding money-related topics entirely when getting to know someone. Instead, he shares that there are simple, natural ways to learn about someone’s attitudes toward money without directly asking.

“When you’re getting to know somebody obviously you’re curious, you want to get to know them. You ask them questions like where did you grow up? What did you guys do for fun as a family? Where did you go to school?,” Sethi said.

Understanding someone’s attitude toward money is crucial for many Americans. Match’s 2022 Singles in America survey revealed that 96% of singles consider similar attitudes about debt and spending to be a key trait in a partner, making figuring out if you’re financially compatible a pretty big deal.

When starting any conversation about an intimate topic like money, curiosity is the best guide. Listening closely for clues about how they describe their lifestyle — whether, say, they enjoy simple pleasures or lean towards indulgences — are windows into their financial mindset.

Ultimately, discussing finances is deeply personal and varies for each couple. Finding an approach that works for you and your partner is one of the best ways of aligning your financial goals and building a strong foundation together.