‘Payment for my silence’: A Brooklyn writer lost out on a $350K inheritance from her father after airing out the family’s dirty laundry — here’s what to do if you suddenly get disinherited

Have the conversation

Growing up, McMillan says that “money had always felt tight.” She managed to receive a partial scholarship to New York University in the 90s, but needed $9,000 more to afford the year. Her father and stepmother gave her $3,000 to help her with tuition, but she still ended up working five jobs while studying full-time to make up the remaining $6,000.

McMillan later learned her father and stepmother set up a trust in 2022, and up until this point, didn’t realize there would be a large inheritance coming her way.

When she started asking her father and stepmother about their wealth, they announced that she would receive $350,000 from the trust upon their demise. But to McMillan, it only felt like a bribe.

“As the number registered in my mind, a panic began to thrum through me,” she wrote. “It felt as though my parents were telling me their price. The inheritance, a payment for my silence.”

Though this conversation wasn’t pleasant, it was a good thing McMillan found out about her inheritance and the contingencies of it. Once she decided that she’d rather write about her trauma than take the $350,000, she could start preparing for a future without that money.

If you’re in the process of being disinherited, having a conversation with your parents or relatives about what is being written out — and why — can help you figure out your next steps.

If it’s not possible to contact them, speaking with a financial advisor may help you work through the loss of funds.

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Take your finances by the reins

Once McMillan realized no inheritance would be coming to her, she started doing the hard work of planning her financial future.

McMillan and her partner decided to start pooling their resources. Before the disinheritance, the two of them refused to depend on each other financially and kept their finances separate. Now that they had no trust to lean on, they opened a joint checking account to split groceries, travel and shared expenses.

Budgeting becomes a lot more important as you gain a clearer image of your long-term financial needs. Figuring out where you can cut down on spending is a common first step.

McMillan and her partner are also starting to open up about how much they have in savings, for both retirement and emergencies, so that they can work toward long-term goals together.

What seemed like a major loss ultimately allowed Mcmillian to start taking control of her finances in a way that, she wrote, defies the toxic approach to money she grew up with.

“By being honest, we hope, we can make sure we each feel safe — and see risks as shared burdens instead of weaponized leverage.”