My mom died and left me the house — I’m selling it for $529,000 and will use it for a big vacation, retirement. My adult kids are angry I’m not helping pay off their student debt. Am I wrong?

Generational divide over money

The conflict illustrates a growing tension between generations over finances. Today’s younger adults often face higher costs of living, stagnant wages, and towering student loans. According to the Federal Reserve’s most recent data, American student debt totals more than $1.7 trillion.

Meanwhile, housing prices are soaring in numerous metropolitan areas, and rents in many hot-spot cities remain high. For those graduating with hefty loans, every monthly payment can feel like an insurmountable roadblock to financial security.

These factors can exacerbate tension when parents come into money — particularly from inheritances — and choose not to relieve their kids’ debts.

In our scenario, the adult children’s frustration stems from a belief that their parent’s newfound windfall could easily change their predicament. The parent, however, feels this inheritance is a final gift from their own mother — a resource they’ve earned, in a sense, simply by virtue of family ties and years spent caring for their parent. From their perspective, using the money to secure their own retirement and perhaps enjoy a memorable vacation is not selfish but prudent.

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Are parents obligated to help adult children?

Traditional norms in some cultures dictate that parents should continue to provide for their children, even into adulthood. And data from the U.S. confirms it: Pew Research found nearly six in 10 parents reported financially helping an adult child in the past year.

But retirement is a massive consideration. Americans typically retire in their mid-60s, yet many have not saved nearly enough to maintain their standard of living. If a parent empties their coffers — or inheritance — on debt repayment for children, they might compromise their own financial future.

Of course, many parents genuinely want to support their kids. Balancing that desire with self-preservation requires careful thought. Adult children should understand that, oftentimes, mom and dad’s primary obligation is to ensure they don’t become a financial burden later. If your kids expect help with debt, it’s best to communicate openly and honestly about what you can realistically contribute. Some parents choose to match a child’s extra payments, or provide a set amount to help reduce the principal instead of paying off a student loan in full.

Making the most of the windfall

In our scenario, the parent plans to spend a portion of the $529,000 on a dream vacation, but the bulk is earmarked for retirement security. They might roll the funds into an IRA or a 401(k), set up a trust, or invest in stocks and bonds for growth over time. By choosing to shore up retirement savings, they avoid becoming financially dependent on their kids down the road.

There are strategic ways to do it for parents who feel inclined to share some of the proceeds with their children, but still protect their own future.

For instance, parents can provide annual gifts up to the federal gift tax exclusion limit (currently $18,000 per recipient per year in 2024). This approach can offer relief without a massive financial strain. Offering to match a set percentage of student loan payments can also inspire responsible behavior while still offering significant help.