I’m 38 years old and work 60 hours a week — I just discovered that my husband who’s on disability loaned out over $11,000 to his parents. I want to close our joint account. Am I wrong?

What is ‘financial infidelity’?

Financial infidelity happens when one partner hides or mismanages money in ways that jeopardize the couple’s shared finances. It’s not just about large sums; it’s about the secrecy and disregard for the other partner’s consent.

In this case, the wife didn’t just lose $11,000 to a loan she didn’t approve; she also lost faith in her husband’s ability to manage their shared money responsibly.

The husband’s actions in this scenario qualify as financial infidelity. He bypassed a shared understanding of their finances to make a major financial decision on his own, ignoring the impact on his partner.

Research underscores how important transparency is in managing joint finances. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that couples with merged accounts generally experience stronger relationships.

But if one side begins making unilateral decisions, fissures can develop that leave the wronged partner feeling vulnerable.

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Closing a joint account: Can you, and should you?

The idea of closing the joint bank account might feel like reclaiming control, but is it legally possible?

The short answer is yes, though the details depend on the account terms. Most joint accounts allow either party to make transactions independently, which includes withdrawing funds or even closing the account. However, some banks require both parties to consent before an account can be closed, particularly if the account is in good standing and has a significant balance.

If your partner disagrees with the closure, the process gets more complicated. The first step is to review the account agreement to determine whether both signatures are required. If the bank permits one-party closures, the wife in this scenario could withdraw her share of the balance and request the account’s closure without her husband’s approval. But doing so could escalate tension while not solving the underlying issue.

A direct conversation — or mediation — might be necessary for accounts where mutual consent is required. Shutting down shared finances isn’t a light decision, and it should come with clear plans for how both partners will manage their money moving forward.

Is separating finances the right move?

In the short term, closing the joint account could provide the wife with a sense of security and control over her earnings. In the long term, though, it could further divide the partnership and make shared expenses harder to manage.

Before leaping, it’s worth considering other options. Establishing clear boundaries around discretionary spending, setting up a household budget, or opening separate personal accounts while maintaining one for shared expenses could be a compromise that protects both parties’ financial independence.

A couples’ therapist or financial adviser could help mediate this discussion and create a framework for better communication around money.

However, if the husband’s actions represent a deeper pattern, separating finances might be necessary for the wife’s financial and emotional well-being. Seeking legal advice is on the table, too, especially if significant debt or other liabilities are involved.

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Moving forward

If the wife decides to close the joint account, the steps are straightforward but require careful planning.

First, she should open a new personal account to ensure her income is deposited somewhere safe. Next, she must transfer automatic payments and direct deposits to her new account to avoid disruptions in essential expenses.

If the joint account has any remaining funds, negotiating how to divide them fairly could prevent further conflict.